I know the universe is trying to teach me something when I start to see a theme or pattern recurring day in and day out. I also know the universe has a funny sense of humor and these lessons don’t get delivered as the front page story of the New York Times.
Recently the theme in my life seems to be focused on my friendships – specifically relationships that are causing me angst in one way or another. My initial reaction was that this is yet another way grief and loss have changed me… and possibly ruined another part of my life.
I found myself ruminating on relationships that no longer fit, focusing on trying to figure out what was different – was me it? Was it them? I also reflected on how my friend circle seems to becoming smaller… and smaller. So then I worried, maybe someday I won’t even have any friends(negative downward spiral). Damn you Grief!
I sat down (with a bit of an attitude) to write this post about how grief changes everything (duh), including your friends and even causes you to outgrow some friends and lose others. But a funny thing happened…
I changed the way I was thinking about this – Yes, I have the power to choose my thoughts (And so do you!).
Maybe the universe isn’t asking me to over-psychoanalyze these relationships.
Maybe the universe is using these dark spots to create a stark contrast to the friends in my life that have held me up since Brandon died.
Maybe the universe wants me to see with crystal clarity how the relationships that have grown deep roots and have evolved into some of my powerful resources for strength.
Maybe the universe wants me to see what happens when people show up with 100% authenticity, vulnerability, curiosity and raw soul.
Maybe it’s time to love all my friendships, especially those that have run their course and the time has come to let them go.
Maybe by letting them go – I create space in their world (maybe it’s not about me) for a new relationship to evolve and grow and I can do the same in my own world.
Maybe having an experience that cut so deep into my soul and ripped the very fabric of who I am, allows me to see with clarity things that weren’t visible before, and more importantly, the clarity to see the souls and the fabric of some of the most amazing people in my world.
So, this isn’t a post about how grief continues to wreck havoc on my life and ruin friendships. This is a post about the gifts grief continues to give me. Allowing me to learn (over and over again) when it’s time to let go – and that letting go is an act of deep love and compassion – towards myself and others.
Now it’s your turn – How can you take a negative in your life and re-position the spotlight to see the gift? In the comments below, share with me what you see or what you will be working on.
Remember – Your comment is often the seed of courage someone else needs to hear. I love that we are connected here collectively healing each other. *hugs*
Since my husband’s suicide 4 months ago, I was feeling hurt and even betrayed by being brushed off by his best friend’s wife. Over the last 22 years we bonded like family – watching their kids grow, camping and traveling together, spending holidays together…. I believe I’m a strong person but there are obviously still very difficult days. Rather than give into the negative thought pattern of being hurt, I realize that some people are just uncomfortable in the face of raw emotion. Their barriers are their own as are their judgments. The universe has indeed supplied me with a number of authentic friends – my friends – who have showed up 120%. Thanks for the reminder.
What a beautiful response – wow! Thank you so much for sharing your experience and I’m glad we’ve connected. *hugs*
When my infant son was diagnosed with a terminal condition one of my ‘close’ friends disappeared. Although I included her in the updates I shared with family and close friends she never responded and ultimately never contacted me again. I was deeply hurt and angry. In the early days after this great loss I directly my anger towards her. At my husband’s urging, we started running and I ran and I ran, Cried and cried, my thoughts ran too and many of my frustrated sad mad thoughts were directed at my disappointing friend. I thought of a thousand ways I could I could get back at her and things I would say and on and on on. Ultimately, I ran it all out of me and completed my first half marathon (fyi- I don’t like running). I got into great shape and started surfing too! I decided that the friendship wasn’t worth one more bit of my precious energy and chose to focus on the wonderful community of friends that gathered around me. I never contacted her and I have no regrets. Bonus: I’m in the best shape of my life.
Denise – That is the best! Thank you for sharing, love your experience! 🙂