How to Become More Resilient After Loss & in 2015

What if you said ‘eff it to Resolutions and you committed 100% to becoming more resilience this year – Bouncing back from adversity, recovering your health – not because there is something wrong with you but because you deserve to live in a body that let’s you live a life you love!

What you you decided to change some behaviors because they strengthened your ‘resilience’ muscles?

What is Resilience?

By definition resilience is the ability to adapt to life’s changes and bounce back after unexpected life events occur. In application it’s the ability to get our poop back in a group after the shit hits the fan!

After Brandon died I sought out other parents who had lost a child. I met these various people for coffee or lunch, trying to get the insider secrets on life after loss of a child. I began to see a distinct difference between the resilient people and those who were decimated and unable to recover any piece of life after loss.

These meetings gave me hope for what was possible if I could work to find my way through the fog. I wanted to be resilient! 

Some people are naturally resilient, seeming to ride the waves of life unaffected by the tsunamis along the way. Others develop it as a result of experiences.  The best part is, you can strengthen your resilience muscles and find yourself riding the waves like a Hawaiian surfing pro!

Why Resilience Matters

Life will always have waves of change. As you know from your own personal loss (I assume) we don’t expect these things to happen and we rarely get to plan or prepare for them. But, as it’s often quoted the only constant in life is change. And so, even as you are reeling from the loss of a loved one, it can be predicted that you will continue to have life events happen that require you to get out your surf board and make the best of it.

You may feel like you’re not one of the ‘lucky ones’ that was born resilient. Well, you might not have been born to be the fastest runner in the next Olympics, but that doesn’t mean you don’t run for good health or because it makes you feel better.

So get those big girl panties out again and start learning to strength your resilience muscles!

How to Become More Resilient

It might not surprise you that building resilience has a direct link to practicing healthy habits and good self-care… after all, that’s what I’m all about and any way I can find to get up on my self-care soap box I’m on it (ok, not really, but sort of).

There is a lot of research on this topic that substantiate that doing this work will enhance the quality of your life and give you a more positive outlook on how to handle future events with greater ease.

Although there are many more, these are my top five favorite ways to build resilience:

1. Make Self-Care Your #1 Priority – Always!  All of our emotions, good & bad utilize a certain amount of energy to experience and maintain. In a state of grief and loss think of it like a bike tire with a slow leak in it. Over time your going to feel flat. Caring for our health by developing better eating habits, exercise, stress management and getting good sleep (click HERE for my blog on sleep), we slow that leak so that we can go on longer without feeling fatigued. The better you feel physically the more you believe you can weather life’s storms.
2.  Embrace Change: Our lives are always changing, but we seem to get attached to the change we don’t choose. In other words, when we choose make changes such as a new job, healthy habits, etc we embrace the process and look forward to the new outcome. Begin to notice when you’re being negative about a change and see if you can find something positive about it or how you could grow as a result.
3. Be Social: Recognizing that we all have various levels of socializing that feeds our needs for other people, during times of distress reaching out and making connections becomes even more vital. Spending time with friends won’t make your problems go away but they can help you feel supported as your navigate them.
4. Take Action: One of the most powerful ways we build resilience is by reflecting back on successful problem solving. Brainstorm ideas of how you can take action, then pick one or two and follow through. Your success in this active process sets the stage for success when things change in the future. See this as an opportunity to build your resilience muscles for the future.
5. Be A Survivor Not A Victim: This is a game changer for many people. Resilient people don’t think that that happen to them on a personal level, rather they see it as part of life separate from how amazing they are. Change your mindset from thinking bad things always happen to you, to a mindset that you are able to survive & thrive the things that happen to you.

Just for fun I am including a link HERE to a resilience quiz. It’s only 12 quick questions and it might help you identify some areas you could focus on to build your sexy resilience muscles!

Being more resilient doesn’t keep life from happening to you, it allows you to see all of life in a more positive light and be able to move past the initial shock of losing a loved one and create a life that continues to flourish!

Now I want to hear from you – Tell me which one of the 5 tips above you would most benefit from.